Grumpy Gerber Grumbles

Well, my stomach is on strike again, so that means it’s time for another episode of Rachel Reviews Baby Food. Today, we have Gerber Graduates Yogurt Melts.

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Which are, by the way, made with REAL yogurt and fruit. As opposed to fake yogurt and fruit, I suppose? I am unclear on how one might fake a yogurt. These snacks are evidently flagged for “crawlers,” so since I’ve been crawling for about 29 years, they must be safe to eat.

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Surprisingly, these are delicious. They taste like strawberry flavored air, with the consistency of Lucky Charms marshmallows.

Of course, then I looked at the ingredients more closely and discovered that they contain gelatin. Goddamnit. So for taste, I’d rate them at five out of five. For sneaky ingredients that are not vegetarian-friendly, I rate them zero out of five.

Okay, let’s try this again with a baby food that does NOT contain ground-up cow ligaments.

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Here we have Gerber Grabbers Apple and Sweet Potato (With Cinnamon). This food is for toddlers, so I am moving up in the world.

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It actually tastes pretty good, like someone mushed up a fork-full of sweet potato pie into my applesauce. Also, I feel like an astronaut, so that’s a plus. 4 out of 5 stars.

So I need to mention these cookies.

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These cookies are amazing. These cookies are delicious. If I saw your baby eating one of these cookies, I would steal that cookie right out of that baby’s fat little hand.

Unfortunately, although they are labeled as “easily-digestible,” my stomach (who is, as previously discussed, a complete asshole) did not agree with this assessment and protested my presumptuousness at eating solid food at work with horrifically painful stomach cramps. So feed these to your babies, not your gastroparesis patients.

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