Fruit Flavors Are (Usually) Safe

This morning, I could not resist a muffin. The muffins were there, and they called to me with the siren song of the muffin people. The siren song goes something like this:

“I am delicious.
You should eat me.
You are hungry.
I will sate thee.”

So I ate a muffin. I mean, I know that was a mistake. I shouldn’t eat before noon on a normal day, because my stomach apparently likes to sleep at least four hours later than I do, but in my defense: muffins. And not just any muffins. Bran muffins. My favorite kind of muffins. I had to pick the raisins out, though. Raisins are dangerous.

Anyway, it was a mistake, though at least the cramps have remained relatively mild. So I’m still stuck with baby food for lunch. Today’s first offering is Earth’s Best Peach Mango.


Man, what is with this company and babies with watering cans? I just don’t think that’s an appropriate toy for someone still in diapers. Anyway, peaches and mangoes! That’s a winning flavor combination if I ever heard one. They’re even the same color.


This stuff looks and smells exactly how you’d think a mixture of peaches and mangoes would look and smell, and it tastes like slightly watery mango juice. It’s not amazing, but it’s pretty good. 4 out of 5 stars.

Still hungry, of course, so let’s try another one! This one is a new brand, one called Happytot. They make a line of organic superfoods for babies, because even babies are not immune from idiotic American dietary trends.


This one is flavored Blueberry, Pear & Beet, but it also contains something called Salba the SUPER Chia, which sounds like a super hero that looks like a chia pet. I was suspicious of this flavor, because fruits and veggie combos are seldom pleasant.


I was even more alarmed when I saw that it looked like a weird, grainy, brown paste, but it smelled okay. Surprisingly, this shit is delicious. It tastes like a fruit-flavored cream of wheat, and the grainy texture is actually somewhat pleasant, because it makes me feel like I’m eating real food. I’d totally eat this one again. 5 out of 5.




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