Super Adult Hippie “Baby Food”Super Greens Go!

So in my head, I picture a terribly-dubbed anime about health food called Super Adult Hippie “Baby Food”Super Greens Go! in which a team of super hero health food junkies save the world from wacky monsters based on popular junk foods.

My imagination is sometimes a silly place.

There are a lot of foods marketed towards adults that are essentially baby food. Case in point, those weird fruit pouches marketed to busy grownups who are ostensibly too busy to eat an entire apple. I don’t understand why people would willingly choose to go with eating pureed food, but whatever. Perhaps we are all inevitably headed towards soylent green-style astronaut food and we’d better get used to it.

Anyway, today I’m sampling some adult-type food which is basically the same thing as baby food just in a bigger package and with more sophisticated-looking marketing.

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Here we have Le Grand Super Greens Soup, which proudly proclaims itself to be both vegan and dairy-free, just in case you don’t know what the word “vegan” means. I found this stuff at Costco, and I thought, “What the hell. It’s cheap and I need to eat more pureed veggies. It’s got to be better than baby food.”

I became slightly less certain of this when I squeezed it out of its pouch and into my bowl.

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Well, damn. That looks…man, there’s no other way to put this, that looks like baby shit. It looks like I fed a baby some pureed spinach and then let it poop into my bowl. It doesn’t smell much better. It smells like asparagus and feet. Well. Maybe it will look more appetizing once I heat it up?

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At least after applying four minutes of micro radiation, it now looks like something approaching a soup. But the taste…it tastes kind of like pea soup, which I hate, and which is odd, because it contains no actual peas. There’s a weird broccoli aftertaste, followed by a breath of bitter kale. It’s really…not great. Also, it turns out to not be completely pureed, either; there are bits of yellow carrot floating around in there. While it’s nice to have something to chew, I’m hoping it doesn’t piss off my irrational stomach. I was able to make it somewhat palatable by throwing in a great deal of pepper and garlic salt, but it doesn’t really cover the unpleasantly strong BROCCOLI!! taste sensation. I’m so…glad…that this came in a convenient two-pack. I have so much left to suffer through eat. 2.5 out of 5 stars.